Third Time's a Literal Charm
by Jake1
Summary: The third installment of the Literally Charmed series.


A/N: Guess what? I own the Charmed Ones. Yeah. Right. You know who belongs to who. I'll put all the toys away when I'm done.  
  
1 Third Time's a Literal Charm  
  
  
  
Paige gasped as Phoebe strutted in the parlor, dressed in her new outfit. "Oh my God," she sighed, popping a lollipop in her mouth. "You look amazing."  
  
Phoebe grinned, throwing her hands in the air and twirled around, showing it off. "Thanks," she smiled. "I mead them out of the plastic bags from the dollar store."  
  
Piper stormed in, an angry expression painted on her face. "Okay!" she shouted. "Who stole my favorite potato sack shirt?!"  
  
"Ugh," Paige said, both she and Phoebe grimacing. "Piper, you're acting like a sister...stop it!!"  
  
"Yeah," Phoebe agreed. "You haven't acted like a sister since...uh...what's her name...uh..."  
  
"PRUE!" Piper shouted angrily at Phoebe, her eyes blazing.  
  
"No, I'm Phoebe," she replied.  
  
"*creak*" Piper and Phoebe turned to Paige with an odd glance. "Sorry," she sheepishly grinned. "I've been like this despite removing the spell. I probably fu-*creak* that up too."  
  
Leo then orbed in. "Hey, Piper...Phoebe...Paige...Cole?" He look around frowning. "Where's Cole?!" He ran over to Phoebe and began shaking her wildly. "WHERE IS HE?!"  
  
"Leo!" Phoebe squealed. "You're turning me on!" At that said, Leo immediately stopped, eliciting a groan of disappointment from Phoebe.  
  
"Where's Cole?" he sniffled. "Did he die protecting you?"  
  
"Oh, shut it, Leo," Piper muttered, glaring at the whitelighter. Leo turned away, making a face and mouthing her words with an annoyed expression. He looked fully ahead and saw Piper watching him thanks to the mirror with a raised eyebrow.  
  
Piper spoke up, asking him, "wanna say something to me, Leo?"  
  
Leo dropped to his knees and moved to her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he begged, cowering before.  
  
"Yeah, whatever."  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Leo begged, grabbing her leg and hugging it.  
  
"OKAY!" Piper replied agitatedly.  
  
"I'M SORRY!!!"  
  
"Cole is in Phoebe's room!" Piper shouted in a desperate attempt to get rid of him.  
  
"Ooh," Leo purred, racing for the stairs.  
  
"AHH!!!" Paige and Phoebe screamed running into the room from the Foyer. A large purple beast with green spots followed them, laughing a childish giggle.  
  
"Good Lord," Piper sighed. "I've never seen a more pathetic looking evil."  
  
"What about the Furies?" Phoebe asked. ""They were nothing. And those clothes were like so last century."  
  
"Gammil was nothing either," Paige pointed out. "I mean, yeah, he shrunk us an all...but, hello," she gabbed, raising her hand. "Wasn't scared."  
  
"Hello, witches! I think we're going to have some super-dee-dooper fun today!"  
  
"I think the ADA demon was the best we've come against. Even he's better than the Source," Piper butted in.  
  
"Now, now! You should NEVER interrupt! You could die!" the demon broke in.  
  
"Yeah...sure." Piper turned her head back to the debate.  
  
Paige cried, "hell no! Please, that warlock faction was crap!"  
  
"Alastar was pretty stupid too. Spent all that time in our manor and didn't even kill Phoebe when she was home alone."  
  
Everyone looked up at the stairs when they heard the loud whoops and giggles. The demon smiled. "They sound like THEY'RE having fun!" he chuckled. "I think I'll play with them!"  
  
Piper snickered as the demon bounded up the stairs. "Someone's going to vanquish himself..."  
  
"EEEP!!" They heard several moments later, followed by a shrill scream from Leo and a loud cry from Cole. The demon ran down part of the stairs before jumping over the railing and came crashing down.  
  
"Okay," Paige sighed to Piper. "You win."  
  
"That was not appropriate behavior!" the demon shuddered.  
  
"Sorry," Phoebe replied earnestly.  
  
"YOU DIE!" he smile, displaying a shiny athame. "Bwa!" He lunged forward and stabbing Phoebe in the gut.  
  
"Ahhh! Oh my God!" Phoebe cried. "I've been stabbed! I'm bleeding! I'm dying!"  
  
The demon giggled and disappeared in a flash of purple.  
  
Paige sighed. "I really should be acting like I care," she told Piper, crossing her arms.  
  
"I've given up on attempting to care," Piper replied.  
  
Phoebe staggered over to the stairs, grabbing the post to support herself. "Leo! Heal me! I ain't got all day!" She let go of the post and leaned against it, crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently as blood rushed out of her body. "LEO!!!"  
  
Blue sparkles orbed in, forming into Leo. Phoebe's mouth dropped open as he appeared fully naked and semi-agitated.  
  
Piper audibly gasped and Paige whooped loudly, grinning.  
  
"Damn!" Leo cursed. 'I' have to turn the auto-orb function off!" He began healing Phoebe, and as soon as she was fully healed, he said, "gotta go!" and promptly orbed away.  
  
"I'll never be the same...again..." Piper sighed, walking into the parlor and over to the window, gazing out. "Hmph," she snorted. "The jeep is yellow." She blinked, obviously seeing something out of the ordinary.  
  
"What?" Phoebe asked, twirling some hair.  
  
"There's about five teenaged girls running toward the manor and they are about to com--"  
  
"YES!" Cole shouted from the distance.  
  
Piper grimaced, mentall yelling at herself. However, she couldn't finish as those five girls ran into the parlor.  
  
"OH MY GOD!" one girl screamed, pointing at Paige. "It's Britney Spears in disguise!!!"  
  
Paige looked down at her catholic girl school uniform and grasped her pigtails, looking up. "Eh?"  
  
"No way! She's took skinny to be Britney Spears!!! It's Christina Aguilera in a double disguise trying to fool us!"  
  
Phoebe gasped, stepping up to Paige. "How dare you, bitch?!" She slapped Paige hard. "You made us believe you were our sister!"  
  
"She IS our sister," Piper growled. ""Those girls are deluded and babbling nonsense."  
  
"Like Leo!" Phoebe drooled.  
  
"Yeah, sure."  
  
"I am so not Christina Aguilera! I'm Paige and I'm a witch!" Paige grinned proudly.  
  
"Oh my God, I was SO right! It IS Christina Aguilera!"  
  
Paige bemoaned, "damn...should've never casted that popularity spell on me."  
  
"I need a bra," Phoebe spoke up suddenly.  
  
"Eh?" Piper squeaked. "Phoebe, you okay? You don't wear bras."  
  
"But since that girl died,-"  
  
"It's PRUE!" Piper shouted.  
  
"WHERE?!!!!" Phoebe screamed in sheer terror.  
  
"Never...mind..." Piper spoke through clenched teeth.  
  
"Anyway," Phoebe continued. "Since that sister died, there have been a lot of boobs-related talk. I need a wonderbra 'cause I got the best set."  
  
"Pffft," Paige scoffed.  
  
"Where'd those girls go?" Piper asked, seeing the teenagers were gone.  
  
Paige merely shrugged. "A lot of people disappear from our lives."  
  
"Anyone seen Darryl?" Piper asked.  
  
"You said we only care about him if we need him," Paige responded.  
  
"Right," Piper agreed.  
  
"Where's Cole?" Phoebe pouted.  
  
Piper pointed out to Phoebe, "Every so often, we don't see him for a while because of some random reason."  
  
"Oh yeah..." Phoebe recalled.  
  
"And with Leo always "gone"..." Paige giggled.  
  
"Oh, shut it!" Piper snarled.  
  
"Woohoo," Paige smiled. "She's not being a sister."  
  
"Just wait until next week," Piper groused.  
  
"Continuity's a bitch," Phoebe spoke up thoughtfully.  
  
"Huh?" Paige asked.  
  
Phoebe frowned. "I dunno...just had an urge to say it." She paused. "Piper, what's an urge?"  
  
"We have urges to say and do lots of stupid things," Piper spoke, ignoring Phoebe.  
  
"Oooh!" Phoebe gigged. "Let's kick electricity again! That was fun!" She ran from the room in a hurry.  
  
"You proved your point," Paige nodded, strutting out the room, pulling up her skirt.  
  
"Skanky whoredog," Piper muttered to the silence, before pacing out of the room herself.  
  
The End 


End file.
